Day 323: Gratitude

I want to take a moment of gratitude for all the beautiful blessings in my life. Here are a few that are on my mind tonight...

Holding hands with baby D

Baby A learning how to walk

Watching movies with these little monsters

My new girls. Que bonitas!

• For the millions of sweet memories I have of C, H, A, A, J, and M. I could talk about them all day. 
• For the countless ways in which baby D melts my heart, every single day. I fed him his first jar of baby food tonight! 
• For the four little girls that we welcomed into our home this week. Their adorable smiles make the transition so much easier.
• For my family in New York. Their love is my rock.
• For my Casa family. We've been through so much together.
• For my sweet Father in Heaven. His grace is enough.

Thank you, Father, for the abundant blessings that you continually shower upon me. I am so grateful for your eternal love!

"Giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ." - Ephesians 5:20

Day 320: Out of Goodbyes

“Home wasn't a set house, or a single town on a map. It was wherever the people who loved you were, whenever you were together. Not a place, but a moment, and then another, building on each other like bricks to create a solid shelter that you take with you for your entire life, wherever you may go.” - Sarah Dessen

Today was a hard one. I have been saying too many goodbyes lately. I'm all out of goodbyes. My three beautiful little angels left today. Watching them leave this afternoon felt like I was watching my own heart drive away. We shared so much love, so many wonderful memories. What happens to all that love now? Was it all in vain? I just want them in my life. I want to know them forever. Talking to C about it was the hardest part. "I want to stay here with you." Oh, how I wish you could. I'll be loving you from far away forever and ever.

C, H, & A: You three are my home. I hope you always know how much you are loved - and how hard it was to say goodbye to you today. Words cannot express how empty this house feels without you in it. Thank you for filling my life with your unforgettable love; my heart is overflowing with sweet memories of you. You have been three of the biggest joys of my life. Thank you. Thank you for your unconditional love and for showing me how fun life can be. You are wonderful. You are loved. You are worthy. I will never forget you.

All I can do now is pray to my sweet Father in Heaven. He knows them, He loves them, He will be with them always. Heavenly Father, please watch over these three precious angels. Guide them, guard them, protect them. Send your peace upon them while they grow into the strong, beautiful people you have created them to be. Thank you for putting them in my life. Thank you for blessing me with their beauty.

"Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God." - 1 John 4:7

Day 316: Unconditional Love

That quote, those precious feet, the million little moments from this past year that have left me a changed person: they all point me to His unconditional love. His breathtaking, unending, life-changing, unconditional love. The amount of love I have for these sweet children is nothing compared to the amount of love He has for them. My mind fails to fathom that kind of love, but my heart takes so much comfort in it.

You might look at that picture above and just see eight tiny feet. I see so much more than that. I see four of the most beautiful people I've ever known. I see big smiles, big messes, endless energy, goofy dance moves, and tight hugs. When I look at this picture, I can hear their loud laughter and their quiet "I love you". Best of all, when I look at this picture, I see unconditional love.

Here are just a few of the billion reasons why I love these four incredible kids (starting from left to right):

H. You have no sense of personal space. Every time I sit down, you come right over and proceed to sit right on top of me. I can't help but laugh. "I want to see a puppy." I find a picture of a puppy on my phone. "PUPPY DOGGY!" I love how you sing "You Are My Sunshine." I love how you say my name. I love how you say it repeatedly, just to get my attention. "Um. Ummm. I love you." (I love you more kiddo). You love reading books. You love to cuddle. You are the messiest eater I've ever seen. You love your Scooby-Doo shoes and riding in the car. You always make me feel better. You have left your footprint on my heart.

C. You are such a character. You love dressing up as Captain America. You love watching movies. You are thoughtful, curious, and inquisitive. You have so much energy. You are so well-behaved. You love piggy-back rides and helping in the kitchen. I love watching "Magic School Bus" with you. I love reading books with you. I love running with you. You are so fast! You melt my heart with your kindness. You crack me up with your sense of humor. You love car rides and fruit snacks and fancy shoes. You are so smart. You make me smile. You have left your footprint on my heart.

D. You are growing up so fast. I cannot believe you are six months old already. You are sitting up all by yourself now! It melts my heart every time I see your small body sleeping in that big ol' crib. You love C, H, and A. They always make you laugh. You love your stuffed frog. You love standing up and being upside-down. I love seeing you sit on H's booster seat, your head barely above the table. I love how you reach for my face and laugh. I love holding you close. You are always happy. You always make me happy. You have left your footprint on my heart.

A. You are always smiling. Your laugh is my favorite sound in the world. You love your brothers. You love crawling to the kitchen, the bathroom, the closet (all places you don't belong). You are almost walking. You love your Gerber Graduates and bananas. At the end of the day, your hair resembles Kramer from Seinfeld. You love nap-time. You sleep with your butt in the air. You are so ticklish. You always grab my hair (ouch!). I love dancing with you. I love singing to you. You are such a joy. You have left your footprint on my heart.

These four, along with my precious A, J, & M and baby J, have changed my life for the better. My heart is covered in their footprints. I am so grateful.

"Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things." - 1 Corinthians 13:7

Day 314: Goodbyes Are Hard

"Some people come into our lives, leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never, ever the same."

My three beautiful babies are onto the next chapter of their childhood. It's hard to let them go. It's hard to say goodbye. They have brought so much joy into my life. They got me through some hard times. They were the reason I woke up every morning with a smile on my face, excited for a full day of their sweet laughter and tight hugs. They have left their footprints on my heart and I will never, ever be the same. Between my mom and I, these kiddos will always have two prayer warriors praying for them. May the good Lord bless and protect them. I didn't have much time to say goodbye, and they probably wouldn't understand anyway, but if I could, this is what I would tell them...

A, J, and M: Thank you. Thank you for making me a better person. For all the times you made me laugh. All the times you made me feel so loved. I could see God's love in all your faces. For keeping me on my toes and constantly teaching me about life and imagination and forgiveness and patience and hope and love. Your energy and joy radiated to everyone who knew you. Your kindness was inspiring. I pray you never lose your beautiful, resilient spirits. You are wonderful. You are loved. You are worthy. I will never forget you.

May the road rise up to meet you.

May the wind always be at your back.

May the sun shine warm upon your face,

and rains fall soft upon your fields.

And until we meet again,

May God hold you in the palm of His hand.

Day 308: Relentless

"Don't let your passion fade away. Be relentless in your prayers, stay firm in your integrity & be content to serve God wherever He puts you."

I came across that quote on Twitter yesterday at the exact moment that I needed some encouragement. Although this past year has been filled with love and joy from all my sweet beautiful children, it has also been filled with many difficult situations. I was feeling quite down yesterday and was tempted to wallow in the "woe is me" school of thought. I wished I was home. I wished I was with my family. I wanted to be anywhere but here. God quickly and gently reminded me that He has put me here for a reason. Who am I to say what's best for me? Who am I to dare think that I know better than He does? I saw this quote and immediately thanked God for the much-needed reality check. I decided right then and there: I WILL be content serving God wherever He puts me. I WILL be relentless in my prayers and firm in my integrity. My passion will NOT fade away. No one can steal my joy except for me. Today, I choose joy.

Although dealing with conflict and standing up against adversity is anything but comfortable, this year has taught me that it is absolutely vital in our walks with God. Even though I don't understand it, I know He is teaching me and I am trying my hardest to do what is right - even if it's far outside my comfort zone. "God puts us into this world to refine us and purify us, not to comfort us." I found that in a random blog post yesterday and was so thankful for the reminder. Our comfort is not His priority. Being a child of God means that we will face many hardships and many difficult situations. It's times like these when God does his best work in us, if we let Him.

Instead of saying "Why me?", I will say "Thank you Lord, for teaching me, refining me, purifying me."

"Let my teaching fall like rain and my words descend like dew, like showers on new grass, like abundant rain on tender plants." - Deuteronomy 32:2