Day 295: James 1:27

"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress." - James 1:27

This verse has been on my heart a lot lately, for obvious reasons. Looking back on these past 10 months here at Casa, I am starting to see that God has been speaking to me: "Take care of my children." I want to answer His call, wherever that may lead. I trust in His perfect plan.

My heart is overflowing for these kids. C always wants to help. He helped me with dinner last night. Even though he made a mess, I knew that sweet memory was more important than any extra clean-up I had to do. I have learned the importance of focusing on the beauty of a moment - not letting tomorrow's worries invade today's joy. I'm still working on it.

So, as a reminder to myself, here are some reasons to be joyful today:

• The funny way C says my name. Over and over and over. All day long. "RAYCHULL! LOOK AT THIS!" "RAYCHULL! I'M A NINJA TURTLE!" "RAYCHULL! CAN I HAVE FRUIT SNACKS?"
• C asking "WHY?" Over and over and over. All day long. "What color is this?" "Blue." "Why?" I've never met such an inquisitive mind.
• H throwing his food. Every single meal. Why is this a reason to be joyful? I have learned the beautiful gift of patience. Thanks H, but don't do that again. PLEASE.
• Everything about baby D. His sweet baby smell, adorable smiles, giggles, and his latest kick: screaming. He now enjoys screaming. I think it's his way of learning how to talk (that's what I tell myself).
• Baby A standing up by herself! That girl will be walking soon.
• The way baby A laughs when you sing to her. The way she grabs your nose when you're feeding her. The way she gets so excited to play with her brothers.
• Baby D playing with toys AND ROLLING OVER!
• H's excited face when I tell him it's time to read books. The way he clumsily runs over to the bookshelf. The fact that he falls and trips 100 times a day, but gets right back up.
• Seeing the sibs out on the playground and holding them close.
• C singing "Gone, Gone, Gone" by Phillip Phillips (the cutest thing I've ever heard)

When enemies are at your door

I'll carry you away from war

If you need help, if you need help

Your hope dangling by a string

I'll share in your suffering

To make you well, to make you well

And I would do it for you, for you

Baby, I'm not moving on

I'll love you long after you're gone

Like a drum, my heart never stops beating for you

These lyrics perfectly illustrate my love for these kids. I will love them for the rest of my life. Long after we say our earthly goodbyes. My heart never stops beating for them. And that, my friends, is my number one reason to be joyful today.

Jesus replied, "You don't understand now what I am doing, but someday you will." - John 13:7

Day 273: Casa, crawfish, and kids...oh my!

First crawfish boil! Officially a southern girl...

A generous donor came to the Casa neighborhood last night and catered a complete cajun meal for us: crawfish and all! It was my first time experiencing a crawfish boil so I wasn't sure if I would like it, but they are delicious! After I worked for 10 minutes trying to rip the shell off, the little morsel of tasty meat was great :) It was a wonderful time with all the kiddos and fellow houseparents. Does this make me an official Texan?

Life here is wonderful. I wake up to my four lovely babies and get to love on them all day long. Oh, those sweet, beautiful faces! I just love them so much. I am constantly in awe over the absolute beauty and purity of a child's love. God has blessed me beyond belief by allowing me to experience this kind of love every single day. I am one lucky girl.

Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” - Matthew 19:14

Day 253: Summer is Coming

Well, it's almost summertime here in Houston. You know what that means! High 80s everyday. I'm loving it. Ask me how I like it in July and August; I might have a different response. Right now though, the weather is perfect. Life is good. 

My sweet babies C & H and baby A and Grumpy D (who's not grumpy at all, he's actually a pretty perfect baby) are all doing so well. Our house is working together smoothly and the kiddos are loving life. 

C is hilarious. He wakes up in the morning and says "You're the silliest and the craziest! Ha! I said it first!" I just sigh and say, "Yep C, you got me! I'll get ya tomorrow." He's in love with his new overalls. He unbuckles one side and says he looks just like "Wreck it, Ralph" (a recent kids' movie). He loves reading his Batman and Spiderman books (just like my A). He loves pre-school. He's head-over-heels for the Ninja Turtles. He's Donatello (the purple one). He is the pickiest eater I've EVER known. He hates all vegetables, even fruit and CHOCOLATE! Yep, even chocolate. Crazy kid. He makes me laugh all the time. I love his dance moves and how he helps me "clean" the bathroom. I love his onesie pajamas. I just love him.

H is a sweetheart with a screaming problem. He can be the loveliest, happiest kid you'll ever know, but as soon as you take him up to bed he will start screaming at the TOP OF HIS LUNGS. Oh man, that scream. Let's hope it's just a "terrible two" thing. I gotta love him though. His big ol' goofy smile in the morning. The way he yells "I'M READY!" when you take a toy from him. How much he misses G. The way he loves my phone. "Where's your phone? I want it." His adorable speech impediment. His backward onesies. His clumsiness. His big heart. Love you, H.

Baby A. That girl has ENERGY. All day long, she is on the move. Go, go, go. She just learned how to crawl, so she is all over the house putting everything in her mouth. Shoes, socks, toys, feet, grass...she doesn't discriminate. She is so strong. All muscle! Her arms have muscle definition. Unbelievable for a 7-month-old, right? She's basically almost walking. Child prodigy, folks! When she's hungry, her scream can probably deafen a small animal. It's that loud. Girl loves her food! I love when I'm rocking her to sleep and she looks up at me and smiles. I sing "Row, row, row your boat..." and she starts to giggle. Thanks for sleeping through the night. I love you, sweet girl.

Last, but definitely not least. Love of my life. Adorable baby D. Seriously, I love this baby so much. I want to keep him forever. He's my little 4-month-old man. That smile, his cheeks, those big dark eyes and little poof of hair. I love how he cuddles with me. I love how he laughs when I kiss his little face and hands and feet. I could smell him all day long. He's got the quietest, saddest sounding cry. He loves his pink pacifier. He's got a bulldog onesie and the cutest blue overalls. When I took him to the doctor, she remarked, "You can tell he really loves you. He is very attached to you." That melted my heart. Okay D, I'm gonna take you home with me forever. Love you to the moon.

"Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand." - Proverbs 19:21

Day 232: A Child's Love

Just got into my bed after the overnight with adorable baby D and spunky baby A. Baby D woke up a few times, but always with a smile on his face, so it was a good night. Baby A slept through the night, so it was a VERY good night. I was just lying here in bed, trying to get some extra hours of sleep, when I hear little H in the next room, "RACHEL! Can I get up? RACHEL! RACHEL!"

I just close my eyes and smile.

Then I remember one moment last November (Thanksgiving morning, to be exact). Lying in bed after the overnight, I hear my darling A ask (while on the toilet) "Where's Rachel?" They answer, "Rachel is sleeping." A responds, "I love Rachel."

I just closed my eyes and smiled. I said a silent prayer to my sweet Father in heaven, "Thank you, Lord."

My Father has blessed me with the greatest gift of all this year in Houston: the gift of love. Not just any love, a child's love. There is nothing in this world sweeter than that.

I think back to a few days ago. I wish I could capture moments in time and keep them safely stored away, so on darker days I can look back and relive the joy. I was outside with C and H while they were riding their bikes. My three babies (A, J, & M aka "the sibs") walk outside. They immediately see me and start running, yelling "RACHEL! RACHEL!" I smile the biggest smile as I see them running toward me with outstretched arms. I get down and open up my arms as they run into me and give me the greatest hug I've ever received. I looked up to heaven and said another silent prayer, "Thank you, Lord." This moment will stay with me forever. The volunteer who was standing nearby remarked, "Wow, they love you!" Yes, and their love has been one of my favorite blessings.

These moments, these sweet memories, these smiles and hugs...they are all gifts from my loving Father in heaven. I know, without a doubt, that with each joyful kiss and "I love you", He is sending His love down upon me. I don't deserve it, but I am so grateful for it.

"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows." - James 1:17

Day 201: Pieces of My Heart

Today, I love... 

My sweet 4-year-old's excitement about his birthday (happy 4th birthday, little guy!), his newfound love for ninja turtles, H's sweet "I love you's" when I change his stinky diaper (always makes me smile, even when cleaning his poop!), G's mischievous laugh and mullet hairdo, and the way little B walks with his hands up and twirls them around when he cries. I love how B gets excited to clap his hands. I love how they dance. I love how they run. I love their joyful spirits. 

I was listening to Gary Allan's new song the other day, "Pieces". I have never been a huge Gary Allan fan, but his last two songs have resonated with me at the exact moments that I needed some comfort. His previous song called "Every Storm (Runs Out of Rain)" gave me hope as I went through the sad transition into a new house, away from my three little loves. It's true, every storm does run out of rain. This too shall pass. Well, that storm has indeed passed. I have given it up to God and am trusting in His perfect plan. Gary Allan's newest song, "Pieces", has yet again struck a cord with me: 

Nothing's perfect in this world 
Everybody's been burned by the fire 
Guess I'm learning 
That what breaks you, makes you grow 

Pieces of my heart 
Pieces of my soul 
Pieces that I'm gonna be, I don't even know 
I gave a lot to lovers 
Gave a lot to friends 
Everything I took from them, made me who I am

I will always love those three precious babies. My heart broke when I left them because I felt like they were mine. God reminded me that they never were. They belong to Him. They have a perfect Father in Heaven; I know they'll be just fine. They have taught me so much; I will never be the same. The time I spent with them will be treasured forever. They have left a permanent imprint on my heart.

With each passing day, I fall more in love with these new children. I know that God wants me to love them with the same passion that I gave to A, J, and M. So, each day, I remind myself how blessed I am to spend my days with these amazing kids. I focus on their sweet smiles and pour out my love to them. It's a good life.

“Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.” - Hebrews 4:16

Day 172: Best of Times, Worst of Times

So much has happened since the last time I was able to update. Some good things, some bad things - all lessons from God. I just got back from being home in NY for a week. When talking to family and friends about my time in Houston, I tell them that it has been the best and worst experience of my life. I have learned so much about myself and about the world and about God's unfailing love. I have never been so stressed, confused, and sad. I have fallen in love with the most beautiful children. I have had to say goodbye.

This year has been much harder than I thought it would be. Taking care of children and loving them with all your heart takes so much out of you. I didn't realize it until I couldn't be with them anymore. I can only hope and pray that God will protect them; that my love for them wasn't in vain. Oh, how I love them.

The hardest part is that they're still here. They still live in this neighborhood and I can see them on the playground and still be in their lives for a little while longer. I know that's a blessing. I try to see it as such. But I'm not the one taking care of them - tucking them into bed, kissing them goodnight, making them breakfast. I live in a new house now with new kids who need me just as much. Maybe someday I'll understand God's plan behind all of this. Right now, I just ask Him to strengthen and guide me every day. I know there are so many things I need to learn from Him. I can feel Him teaching me. I can feel His peace.

Now, I focus on the five precious babies God has trusted me with. I see their smiling faces and know that by serving these beautiful kids, I am serving the Lord. How can I not rejoice?

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." - James 1:2-4

Day 138: Insults of a 4-year-old

On the playground today, X comes running over to me, looking distraught, saying "A called me a 'Chicken Nugget Noodle'!" I tried so hard not to laugh. If only the rest of the world was this creative with their "insults". I promptly walked over to A and told him to please use nice words...and then turned around and had a good laugh. Never a dull moment!

Four beautiful souls!

"Our mouths were filled with laughter, our tongues with songs of joy. Then it was said among the nations, 'The LORD has done great things for them.'" - Psalm 126:2

Day 137: Remember the Joy

Each day with these children is filled with sweet moments that melt my heart. I want to write them down so I can look back one day and remember the joy.

Singing lullabies to M before bed. She has the biggest smile on her face. She sings with me. "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" and "Happy Birthday". As I hold her, listening to this 2-year-old sing, I think to myself: I cannot imagine a happier sound. It's true. The voice of a child, singing so innocently in the night, without a care in the world, looking up at you with pure love...this is heaven. Thank you, sweet girl, for showing me a little slice of heaven tonight.

"For the Lamb which is in the midst of the throne shall feed them, and shall lead them unto living fountains of waters: and God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes."- Revelation 7:17

Day 129: Unforgettable

I want to remember everything about them.

A. Sweet, sweet A. When I first met him, I was unsure how to handle him. He was aggressive, loud, threw tantrums, and refused to listen. Looking back on those first days with him, I am amazed how he has progressed into the sweetest, funniest, happiest little boy. I never knew I would grow to love him this much. He says the most hilarious things. "I love you ALL THE WAY OUT THE UNIVERSE!" "And I was like, whaaat?" "Do ya love me?" "How many? Like THESE MANY?" "Don't get a haircut! You're my best friend!" "You think this is cool?" "I've got strong muscles!" He memorizes how to spell everyone's name, which is pretty impressive for a 4-year-old. We've got a genius on our hands, folks! He remembers everything you say, even if it was 4 months ago (this can be good or bad). He's outgoing, joyful, and knows how to push our buttons. He loves to swing "high up in the sky" and run "super fast". He loves going to preschool, wearing his backpack, and always wishes he had homework (I'd love to remind him of that when he's older). He's always excited to see us. It fills my heart with so much joy when he comes running over to give me a long, tight hug. I wish I could bottle it up. I love when I walk past his room at night, and he whispers "Rachel, I love you!" and blows me a kiss. How lucky am I? He's so good at doing puzzles. He wants to be Batman for Halloween next year. He looks up to the older boys. He loved D, so much. I know he still misses him (so do I, buddy). He has the best smile. He fills my world with laughter. I want to know him forever and ever.

J. My little man. The most kindhearted 3-year-old I've ever known. I knew he was sweet-to-the-core when I first met him. That smile and those big brown eyes just melted my heart. He's such a ham. It's hard to get mad at him. He flashes me that smile and knows he's got me wrapped around his little finger. He is so easygoing. I wish I was more like him. He shares all of his toys. He lets his brother and sister take his toys. He'll just move on and find something else to play with (yes, he really is that nice!). When A or M get upset, J always runs over to comfort them. He puts his little hand on their shoulder and pats their back. When one of X's toys broke, J offered him his. These sweet little moments can really teach us all a lesson in selfless love. Thank you, J, for showing me that love and kindness are more important than satisfying selfish desires. I can always count on you. He loves waffles and fruit. He hates pizza and pancakes. He loves to "cheers" at the table. He always takes my cellphone. He's afraid of the "choo-choo" at night, but loves playing with his toy train. He loves "bubba" and "ya-ya" so much. He gets frustrated when we don't know what he's saying. I pray that he learns how to talk soon. I pray that his beautiful soul shines this brightly forever.

M. My favorite little girl. My darling, spunky, crazy, loud, gorgeous little girl. She knows I think she's the cutest thing in the world. I adore her. The other day, when she was being loud in her crib trying to wake up "bubba", I go in the room and say, "M, do you need to take a break in the hall?" She looked up at me smiling and nodded her head "yes". I tried really hard not to laugh. I failed. She started laughing, too. Let's just say, it was not the most successful nap-time. She loves pretending to be a monster. She goes around saying "rah!", trying to scare everyone, even the baby. Poor baby. She has learned all of our names and says them in the cutest 2-year-old voice I've ever heard. "Bay-chel! Bay-chel! Bay-chel!" She has the best laugh. It is contagious. She loves to sing "happy birthday" and have tea parties. She loves to play with the boys, much to their dismay. She loves to eat. She's the slowest, messiest eater in the house. She always wants to be held (I can't say no). She screams our names loudly to get attention. She whines. She blows kisses. She has me wrapped around her finger. I want to watch her grow into the beautiful woman I know she'll be. I hope she always keeps that fiery determination. I hope she knows how much she is loved.

Baby J. Ohh, baby J. The cutest baby I've ever seen in my life. Seriously, I'm not lying. His big blue eyes, wide toothless grin, sweet giggles, fuzzy hair, and his wonderful baby scent are the BEST. If I could, I would bottle up his scent and sell it in stores. I wake up craving it. Weird, right? Even though he sometimes drives us crazy with his constant need to be held and lack of sleep, we wouldn't trade him for the world. He has the best smile. It melts my heart every single time. In the middle of the night, when all I want to do is sleep but he won't let me, he'll flash me that grin and let out a chuckle. Suddenly, it's all worth it and all I want to do is cuddle with him and kiss his chubby cheeks. So much love wells up inside me every time his little hand curls around my finger. I am so blessed. I get to play with this adorable baby all day, everyday. I want to keep him forever. I pray that God leads him to a good, loving family who will teach him all about Jesus and His perfect love. May he grow up to be a strong, God-fearing man who loves the Lord with all his heart. I know he won't remember us, but I hope he knows that his first months on Earth were filled with joy, love, and lots of laughter.

X. The X-man. Our newest family member. Feels like he's been with us forever! These past two weeks with him have been so fun. I look forward to getting to know him better and undoubtedly falling in love with him more and more each day. This 6-year-old man is a sweetheart. He's always trying to make us smile. He eats everything. He loves broccoli, carrots, and any fruit you can think of (especially pears). This has rubbed off on A (thank God!). He loves dancing and singing. "Can we have a dance party?" is a question he asks multiple times a day. We [usually] oblige. He sings all day. He sings pop songs, Disney songs, Veggie Tales songs, and even sweet lullabies for the baby. He was so happy and touched that Santa remembered him and sent him gifts (thanks Mom and Dad). He lost his second front tooth the other day. The tooth fairy came and I've never seen such a big, toothless smile! It's the little things in life. He teaches me that everyday. He is so kind. He loves superheroes, especially Iron Man and Captain America. The little ones look up to him. He fits so nicely in our family. We love him. I hope he keeps that dancing spirit forever.

These children, these memories, all these little moments are truly unforgettable. I want to remember every little thing. Every little smile, every little laugh, every little tear, every little hug and kiss...I will treasure forever. Lately, I've been trying to imagine what they'll be like when they're 10, 20, 30 years old. The hardest part is knowing that I'll never know. They'll be gone from my life (sooner than I care to think about) and I won't know every little beautiful thing they do. It's hard, so I'll place this burden in God's loving hands. I am so thankful for His comfort and strength.

"May our Lord Jesus Christ himself and God our Father, who loved us and through grace gave us eternal comfort and good hope, comfort your hearts." - 2 Thessalonians 2:16-17

Day 128: I Love

Today, I love...

M's contagious laugh and mischievous smile, A's swollen cheeks and silver teeth from the dentist, J's monster slippers and how much he loves them, X's crazy dance moves, and baby J's wide toothless grin. These are a few of my favorite things.

Even when they yell at the dinner table, play with their food, cry at bedtime, throw temper tantrums, splash water from the tub, spill milk on me, make messes, and completely 100% tire me out...they are the loves of my life. The sweetest souls I've ever known.

Thank you, Lord. Thank you for filling me up with Your love through these children. Thank you for allowing me to fill them with Your love. Thank you for that moment last night, tucking A into bed, when he looked up at me and said, "I love you Rachel...so much." And I knew he meant it...so much. Right back at you, bud.

"Learn to do what is right. Seek justice, encourage the oppressed, defend the case of the fatherless, plead the case of the widow and orphan." - Isaiah 1:17